You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
