Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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