They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
