Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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