I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
