The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
