He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
