woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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