I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
