he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
