Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
