Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
