Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have post one night stand depression
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
