Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
