Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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