Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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