I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
