I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
