Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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