2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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