when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
