the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
