Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im part way to drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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