Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
