I accidentally had phone sex last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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