Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
