the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
