I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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