4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
