it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
