I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
