Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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