Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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