I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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