just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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