i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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