bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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