i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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