went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
