i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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