I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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