oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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