I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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