This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
