Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
