We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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