It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
