my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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