I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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