I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
