Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
