ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
