Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
