Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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