you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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