ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
