The maid of honor just puked.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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