OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
