They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
