need another drink. this is the easiest way
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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