I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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