those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
