best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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