Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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