i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
