FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His hands were made for my vagina.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
