i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
