guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish i was in the wii world.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
