ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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