In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
