Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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