Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
