we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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