He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
