I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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