In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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