this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
