I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
