i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
