Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
